I’m signed up for a Substitute Teacher orientation session in Soldotna, AK on October 20th; before one chapter’s really over the next one starts, that’s the way in the world today, and it doesn’t help my mind and heart to not be completely revuelto. Or maybe I’m wrong and it means that one chapter is really over.
other
Plane ticket
Strange feeling
It’s weird to be in a place where 9/11 and all it means doesn’t mean anything at all.
:/
Roller coaster
The last few days are all so much that I don’t know how to write anything at all, but for the same reason I’ve gotta write something, so it’ll be the game of hell and earth and life and god in as few words as possible. Here’s what happened; what I feel and need to say will come later.
She was jumped and raped monday morning. For 72 hours she was in hell. When she slept she relived it over and over again until she woke up, then it’s this batshit scared broken semi-concious state where she thrashes and cries out until she realizes that it’s not all happening again, and she begs to not be alone and her friend would ask her if she needs anything, food or water, then she falls asleep back into reliving what’s far worse than death until she wakes up again. I’ve never seen something so terrifying and horrible, when I finally let it all out and cried and cried, I’ve never cried like that before in my life. Something change deep in my heart, the type of change that doesn’t happen but a few times in a lifetime.
She was completely disabled. To go to the bathroom, Jorge and I had to stand her up, at which point she’d pass out and we’d have to carry her fireman style (the two of us barely held up, she’s not a small girl) to the bathroom, where we’d leave her with a few of her friends and she’d wake up on the toilet and panic and cry again. She hadn’t eaten a meal since Sunday.
And yesterday morning 72 hours later she woke up and said she needed to walk. She bathed with a little bit of help from Julia and asked for breakfast. She ate, and we went to the Catholic Church. She got into and out of the car on her own. So here I am sitting a few spots down the pew from her. She’s forgiven the four men, she’s sobbing but there’s no more pain nor fear, she’s sobbing because she’s giving thanks to God and she looks at me with a smile and says David, I need to look for the people who are most needy in this world and help them, Jesus came to me in my dream and told me he didn’t want to see me like I was, he told me to get up and walk because there’s work to do, and she says this with a smile. I need to find the most needy people in this world and help them, she said. You arrived was all I could say, and she smiled and nodded.
And yesterday morning something else changed deep in my heart, the same type of change that doesn’t happen but a few times in a lifetime. She left Barillas yesterday after going to church, she left with two of her friends in a little old plane piloted by a content old gringo who doesn’t really have any home at all and in half an hour she was in her hometown Quetzaltenango for medical tests and then went to be with her family.
You can’t make this stuff up, man.
Hell
I didn’t know, but there is a hell on earth and she’s in it. After a day and a half of holding it in the tears came yesterday and I’ve never wept like that before, I never knew what bitter tears really meant.
It’s so damn horrible.
Pictures worth words
Los Cremas and the Boys in Green (edited)
Tonight the best in Guatemala faces off with the boys of Seattle. For all that’s awesome about Seattle and Sigi and Keller and Pike Place Market and the squad, lets rout them 4-1.
(and…ah hem..er…for my ego, too)
PS
Alonso, I really, really really wanna see you stuff one in the net. Métela pués compadre, métela con huevones!
EDIT:
We won. 4-1.
I can’t recall the last time I was that happy about a soccer game :D
Cliché
Not long ago 23 seemed really old and far away, practically knocking on codgerhood’s front door.
GIT OFF MY LAWN KID.
(gotta be ready for when codgerhood opens the door)
Randall on cancer
Wow. Not a lot of words come to mind right now.
http://xkcd.com/931/
Pregnancy (edited)
Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that I would want a 16 year old girl I don’t even know, especially a rags-poor student with a scholarship, to test positive for pregnancy.
So what was the result?
Negative.
Which means that we don’t really know why she nearly died this week.
(I wrote this without editing because I only came to the office to grab my computer and head back to the house before the rain comes)
Edit:
Just to be clear, a girl in the sponsorship program got really sick, and after a lot of tests we were still inconclusive, then the doctor recommended a pregnancy test as a last ditch effort, and it came out negative. Right now he says it’s Anemia that nearly developed to Hepatitis A…not sure I buy it.
Two games
Yesterday the Sounders played one of their best games ever:
And today was a great but at the end sad game for the USWNT. The game was intense, but all that matters in the end is the penalty shootout.
Forgive an idiot
I was thinking about the times forgiveness and I have crossed paths, when was it easy and when was it not.
Entirely buttfuzz-in-the-teacup backwards of what would make sense, the toughest for me is to forgive is the idiot. The person who really had malice in their heart is easier to forgive. (Well, it could also be that I’m confusing forgiveness with willed forgetfulness)
One idea: maybe because there’s a good feeling to forgiving the bad person, kinda like being a martyr or giving money when folks are watching, but not quite.
I’m editing this draft from a few months ago, and having thought about it more, here’s another thing I think: the idiot who won’t admit (to others or themself) they’ve been an idiot is the really hard one to forgive.
Company Men
So I watched this movie yesterday, and for the first third I’m like “hmm..if this guy is the hero for his ‘determinism’ and they don’t handle with his denseness and worthlessness I’m gonna be disappointed.
So then in the second third and I’m like OK, this is looking like they’re gonna handle stuff, this could turn out a great movie.
I’m thinking here that this movie could turn out to be a beautiful re-tone and refinement and media-shifted version of Shop Class as Soulcraft. I’m thinking that maybe, because these are some good actors and maybe the writer’s awesome, it could be not just a “rich suit guy finds meaning in using his hands” gig, but a hard hitting commentary on the meaning of human life.
So then the third third rolls around and I’m like yes, yes I think they may pin this. Maybe it won’t be as great as I want it to be, but we’re goin’ the right way here.
Then the scene on the docks, “these men knew their worth,” and I was like yes. Could’ve been better, I wouldn’t say it’s worth pinning Crawford’s book on, but hey it’s good, not going to whine.
And then a minute later the last scene happened and I found myself sitting in the couch half dazed, with just enough sense to be grumbling some unkind things directed at the directors and writers and producers and actors. Aw c’mon guys.
Cool courage
If you’re trying to be cool you’ve already missed the boat; the fire inside to have courage is the thing itself.
So is that if and only if or exclusive or?
What other picture could go here but Teddy and Muir